Issue 7: Clueless Youth – Part One

Let me tell you a story. This is a story of a planet that exceeded in every possible way. The humans on this planet had extremely high technological advancement, little or no unemployment, low levels of poverty, no public war, markets were booming, and so many wealthy individuals living the life they always dreamed of living. They could buy what they wanted, they could travel where they wanted. They could pretty much do whatever they wanted, provided that these individuals had money and freedom. Space exploration was a development that only came about in the last decade, and as they raced among each other to start space exploration, their driving force was to find extraterrestrial life. So little did they know about what they were aiming for. So high were their hopes and so little their understanding of the world they were living in. It wasn’t too long before they realised that their real goal was not to find extraterrestial life, but rather a new home. 

As the 2030s rolled on and their planet continuing to slowly decay, they had understood that they needed to leave their planet behind in order to survive and prolong their lives. They realized that what they really needed was intergalactic transport that could transport hundreds of thousands at a time. It was reported that explorers had been successful in finding planets that were habitable, however, before they could do so they would need to make room on these alternative planets. It would be inhumane to only have a select handful of humans who could escape their dying world. The explorers had decided that in order to abide by the human law that ensures equality of opportunity they would need to do one of two things. This was to either, half the population of those living on their home planet, or to annihilate the new lifeforms they had encountered on the 3 alternative planets.

There was only one man who could make such a difficult decision. Everyone knew him by the name of ‘Double L’, and it is he who had proposed and enacted the law of equal opportunity. No one knew where it was that he lived or resided, no one knew what he looked like, no one had ever truthfully seen him before. All that was known about Double L was how to contact him. There was only one method to do this. This method was a website which had two boxes. One box was for the name of the sender which was to be confirmed by a fingerprint scan on any nearby device that had this technology, and the other box was for text. The text was accepted in any language. There were 7,000 different languages spoken on the human planet, however, the text could not exceed 1000 words. 

These letters were seldom responded to, as the volume of letters sent exceeded 10,000 an hour. Yet those who got responses were often given great advice and this often resulted in life-changing experiences. The responses received from Double L came in many shapes and forms, the most common was a text response, yet there were other gestures made from this mysterious man.

As the explorers began to write to Double L, they wondered for hours on end about how they should phrase the decision they had to make, and which one of their names should be attached to the text. What happened next made all these men laugh, little did they know that it would be this clueless young boy who would save the lives of their fellow humans. 

To be continued… 

Issue 6: The Ingredient For Changing The World And History.

This is my second attempt at telling you what I’m about to tell you. I was supposed towrite this like an hour ago, but as I had my tea brewing, my mind filled to the brim with ideas, and some chill music playing, I was interrupted by a WhatsApp notification on my phone. This is the only app on my phone that I have enabled notifications on, so as you may have guessed, I only use WhatsApp for importantthings that I can’t miss. Turns out I was supposed to be in a group meeting ten minutes ago, and I’m still sitting on my ass on the other side of the college campus. A meeting that I thought was on tomorrow, had already begun.

I find it incredible how something unexpected can completely throw you off track. Let’s picture it like being thrown into the shit, that you then have to find your way out of. Meanwhile, you have made it out but still smell like shit. Nothing seems to be going right – this is how I like to live. I like to constantly have to dig myself out of the dung, and smell. I like it because having to do this allows me to then have a wonderful shower, and feel fresh as a daisy. Being fully aware that somewhere out there is a massive pile of the brown stuff that is patiently waiting for me. 

Chaos. What a wonderful thing. My favourite nights out and moments are things that I couldn’t predict happening. Example: how one of my mates getting a lifetime ban in O’Reilly’s, led to the wildest night elsewhere. Unexpected. Unplanned. Brilliant. You will undoubtedly have the most memorable stories when you do something or when something happens out of the blue. As Nietzsche himself said: 

“For believe me: the secret for harvesting from existence the greatest fruitfulness and the greatest enjoyment is –to live dangerously.”

Bear with me as I move on to something slightly more serious now. I believe that the weeks we are currently living in will have history books written about them. There is so much unpredictable chaos, and everything is happening at such a rapid pace that these may be the most dramatic and action filled days we as a planet have lived in a long time. And if it doesn’t start to improve, it’s to get a whole lot worse. I’m referring to a number of things: Coronavirus really starting to spread throughout the world, extremely volatile financial markets for the first time since 2008, quarantines, self-isolation on levels not seen in a long time, and oil price wildness (which I don’t know too much about, but know it’s happening). All these things represent unpredictable events, and it is changing our lives in ways which we cannot begin to imagine. Is this a good thing or a bad thing? Who knows? I guess we’ll just have to remain in the shit for a bit and wait till we get an opportunity to dig ourselves out. To finish, I would like to quote someone who I never would have imagined quoting in my life. My dad might hate me for this. This man brought so much chaos into the world, murdering millions. But nonetheless, in such a time of chaos his words remain true:

“There are decades where nothing happens, and there are weeks where decades happen.” –Vladimir Lenin

Extra: Your life may also currently be in chaos with assignments, deadlines, work, finances, or whatever it may be. I personally have a lot of essays and group work due in the next few days. But to combat this I want to encourage consistency. Keep on, keepin’ on.  

Issue 5: Attention Earthlings: Self-Isolate Before You Annihilate.

This is my personal survival guide to the Corona Virus. Now I would be a silly man not to hop on this bandwagon in terms of writing a piece on it, I don’t mean actually getting the bleedin’ thing. Anyways, when I think Corona Virus, I think a few things: food, Netflix, water, reading, internet, bread, the stonk market, writing a shite blog, college, learning, online courses, YouTube, etc. So as you can tell, my thinking about such a serious manner is a little bit unorthodox and unprofessional. To paraphrase Jurgen Klopp himself, “Why are you asking me about the coronavirus pal? I’m a soccer coach.”

So I decided to get serious and ask myself the question of what I would do if I needed to self-isolate myself? What would the fam do if all of a sudden the whole all of us got it? In such a case I think it is wise to hit up our main man Abraham Maslow and his big massive theory on the hierarchy of needs. So for those who don’t know ‘Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs’, as the saying goes “Google ih”. I hear that knowing this theory correlates greatly with surviving the big COVID-19. Now that I have insulted a good few people by my lack of seriousness I can continue. So based on Maslow’s theory we need to satisfy our needs in the following order: 

  1. Physiological Needs.This includes the good and wholesome stuff like air, water, food, sleep, shelter, and clothing. Now what stresses me out is that I don’t how to get food sorted if no one can leave the house. Like how will my mam do the shopping? Maybe Devan Hughes’s ‘Buymie’ can save the day. Or everyone will just hope the Chinese is still open and we can just order some lovely Chicken Curry, or like a Spice Bag. But they probably got bit by the big C-Dog by now too. Anyways food is the one that has to be sorted out. 
  2. Safety Needs.I don’t think this one matters as much. It’s like a job and all that, but people can just go on the dole. I’m sure the lovely government has this one sorted out for us (fingers crossed). 
  3. Love and Belonging Needs.Also doesn’t really matter because EVERYONE will without a doubt abandon you. Like I would I guess everyone will just be texting each other to check-in if their homies are still breathing, but do they really care if they got their own breathing to worry about? 
  4. Esteem Needs. Respect, self-esteem, status, recognition, strength, freedom. Right so, you don’t really have the freedom to leave your home which is a bit shit. But I guess self-esteem is good if you don’t have the virus. I think there will be a blow-up in influencers who haven’t got the disease. So if you don’t catch it maybe this will be your moment to shine. Maybe you can be the light at the end of the tunnel. But then again when everyone else dies, there’s a high likelihood you’ll be bored so your popularity for being all healthy won’t really matter.  
  5. Self-actualization Needs.This is by far my favourite one. It is the desire to become the most that one can be, however, if you’re sick, hungry, unloved, and dead, it doesn’t really matter what you can become or desire. Sorry for being so frank. So sorry to be a party-pooper but realistically speaking maybe you won’t become that astronaut you dreamed of becoming. 

Sorry for being such a buzzkill but I hope you got the point! The point being: stock up on food because if we don’t satisfy the first need all the other ones don’t really matter. And the real reason I’m writing this is because I feel a flu brewing inside of me, and want to impart my last piece of wisdom upon you in the possible case that I don’t make it. Stay safe my comrade, and in the unlikely situation that this is my last written piece, I want to impart a top-tier, fully evolved, master ball quote upon you that I stole from a personal friend of mine Naval Ravikant: 

“A healthy man wants a thousand things, a sick man wants one.” 

Extra: I finally made an Instagram and a website so check them out! Also please remain calm during the virus outbreak in Ireland.  

Issue 4: Fictional Characters That Change Your Life

Boy oh boy, do I got a good one for you today. Before I get started, however, I’d like to welcome you back. So sit back, relax, actually stand back up, stick the kettle on, pet your dog, take a shit, sit back down, and finally get to fully enjoy this issue. Also, you can do the above in any order you like, but I personally prefer to pet the dog before I go to the bathroom, and I also just stick the kettle on for the craic, I don’t actually make any tea or coffee. Just a habit I’ve developed recently.

So listen. I work in a hotel, and every time I go into work I wonder what sort of people I’ll interact with that day. I believe that social interactions are one of the most important elements of life. If you don’t get out there and meet other people, you’re doing it wrong. So anytime you’re feeling down or feel like you’ve no clue what to do with your life, put yourself in an environment where you can talk to randomers. This introduces chaos into your life as you simply cannot predict what will happen, what you’ll talk about, or who you’ll meet. You also can’t predict what sort of an impact these simple interactions will have on your mentality, hence, the course of your life. So let me tell you what I learned today from my social interactions. Now, in order to have some respect for the people I talked to, I’m going to use fictional names. And also why be basic and number your points? Instead, I’ll use names as bullet points.

Limmy.

So the first lesson comes from me doing something, even though I knew it was the wrong thing to do. Now, me being me, while I was cleaning out some mini roses from a vase, I ended up smashing the vase. Well shit, like I’m not even an hour in. Turns out this isn’t the worst part. The worst part is that after I clean all the glass, and go to the ‘clear glass’ bucket to throw it out, I realise the bucket it full. But to my rescue, there’s a half-full bucket of crockery (which for those who don’t know is tableware like mugs, plates, etc.). And since there’s another test tube looking piece of clear glass in there already I justify putting my clear glass in there too. Surely it’snot a problem.

Enter Limmy, and he’s not happy. Now, when someone asks you why you put ‘clear glass’ into the crockery bucket there’s not much you can say. Like do you say “I dunno, because I can’t read?” Nah you just stand there and accept that you did something you weren’t supposed to do, knowing full well you were doing something wrong. Why do we do things we know are wrong? Is it because we’re lazy? Are we ignorant? Selfishness? Or do we just not think of the implications? Ask yourself, why you do things that you know are wrong? Limmy forgave me after I apologised for my stupidity.

Slenderman.

I’ll try to keep this lesson short and sweet. So Slenderman is casually dressed, runs his own business, and does little bits and bobs in between. Random stuff, like setting up little tents at weddings for kids to play in. Which are later used by angry wives, who want to put their drunk husband to sleep. But when I asked him how does one not get caught in a job and work for themselves? His answer was“What are you good at?” I was sort of stuck answering this question too. What am I good at? What are my strengths? Ask yourselves these if you haven’t yet.

Mykola. 

Now, this doesn’t count as a social interaction but it’s something I thought of while working. How could a person’s life change if they tried 10% harder than they usually do? By increasing my productivity level by 10%, what sort of results could I achieve? What I realised when I tried this was that it created a shift in my mindset. I tried this at one monotonous task at work and it worked. What if I applied it in other areas of my life? What improvements would I see? Try this out!

Professor X. 

For all my sauna lovers here’s another sauna story. It’s mad to think about the people you can meet in a hotel sauna, no matter who they are or where they’re from, they’re just there sweating it out in their most naked (yet not fully naked) self. In this particular case, I was talking to Professor X who used to hold a big position in the Irish Education System. And I mean BIG. He was up there. Anyways before this gangster status, he used to be a deputy principal and principal in some secondary school. So naturally, I was interested in everything he had to say. I asked him, “What’s the most common mistake that is made when communicating with adolescents?” His answer was “Not listening.” We tend to not listen to other people. Our minds have their own stuff to worry about, so why bother listening to what others have to say huh?

He said that some people just want or NEED to be heard. In his case, when he had misbehaving students coming into his office, he simply listened to them instead of threatening them with notes, phone calls home, suspensions, or even expulsion. He said by doing this he never saw these kids enter his office for misbehaving again (of course there are exceptions). His curiosity was then, what happened in the mind of these students by him listening to them? Although, he did say there is a line he sets with these kids. And if you cross that line, believe me, you’re fucked. So to conclude let me butcher a proverb real quick, “We have two ears and one mouth for a reason.”

Now we have four characters here: Limmy, Slenderman, Mykola, and Professor X. Choose your fighter and play. When you play Mortal Kombat you can’t fight with two people at once for a reason. Baby steps my friend. Have a nice week!

Issue 3: What Sauna Overtime Does to You

I’m back. I’m here because I’m trying to procrastinate on my essay. I have one due tomorrow at midnight, and like always I haven’t started yet. I’ll do it later sure, and I’ll definitely have it done by the time it’s due. I think it’s common to leave stuff like this last minute. Don’t you think that people who can do important things days before they’re due are just amazing? Like is it that they have better time management skills or are they just alpha?

Moving on. Listen to this, I’ve got a story for you. I was in the local hotel sauna earlier, powering through the heat because every time I’m in their people talk about how good it is to do 15 minutes and more. So I’m there and I have this Lavender oil with me that I put on the element. Enter Pauline, a woman roughly in her forties, and with a thick Limerick accent, she falsely guesses the scent to be eucalyptus. Me being me, I correct her, as if I know what either actually smells like. I then ask her what lavender actually does because the fact that she knows how to pronounce eucalyptus is impressive. She goes on explaining how it’s good to de-stress and chill out, we chat on. After about half an hour, after taking getting some water and having a cool down, I’m in there again sweating it out. As I’m about 8 minutes in, Paulineonce again enters the sauna arena. As we swiftly make our way through all the low-tier conversations such as the weather, college, technology, and how moola ain’t all life is about. We reach a point where I learn something new about this mysterious Pauline, this happens right after we get into a much more complex conversation about living too far in the future and the past, essentially anxiety and depression. Keep in mind all I know about this woman at this stage is that they’re she’s on a get-away with her mother and her mother is grieving about someone close to her who has died. I have also been told that the mother’s up in the hotel room debating whether or not to get room service (fun fact huh?). Another very important thing to mention is that we’re hitting right about the 13-minute mark on the sauna timer, this is usually right about the time when I give up reaching 15 minutes and dip.

Okay, so let me not get side-tracked or leave this story on a cliff-hanger. As we continue our conversation about anxiety Pauline reveals that she teaches meditation; I should’ve guessed by the big knowledgeable zen head on her. Like the fact that she knows what eucalyptus is counts as a hint. She asks whether or not I meditate as a coping mechanism for bouts of anxiety and depression. I naturally answer“Yeah sometimes”. She goes on to highly recommend it and how finding a group to do it with helps a lot. As we get to the part where it’s important to live in the present moment and focus on our breathing, I’m thinking “Fuck me it’s hot in here, 16 minutes is far too long. My heart is about to explode.” As she continues to talk of all the benefits of living in the moment, I’m here roasting, trying not to be rude by just walking out on her at the most valuable lesson. So as she preaches on the importance of being present, I realise how much my mind is racing. Obviously, the heat doesn’t help, but I do believe there are conditions in life similar to that 17-minute mark in the sauna.

As I physically started signalling that I’m about to have a heart attack, Pauline ended with a zen proverb, but I would rather include something she said about how she eats chocolate in a way that makes her more present. When was the last time you ate chocolate and tried to identify the tastes, your chewing, and actually notice that you’re eating chocolate? Use chocolate as a first step to noticing your mind and breath. Chocolate could be your first step to living a more mindful life. On that note, now I’ll personally feel better about eating chocolate. Also sorry for the length of this one, ‘tis a long boi indeed. Be more present as that’s what life is. Have a nice weekend!

Extra: The movie ‘True Romance’ is incredible. It’s on Netflix. It’s a movie written by Tarantino, but he didn’t direct it. He sold it so that he could shoot ‘Reservoir Dogs’(This is a source that is not peer-reviewed, so it’s not my fault if it’s wrong.) Nonetheless, the storytelling is mind-blowing. Also, today is a Leap Day my dudes.

Issue 2: Goodreads and Its Evil Contract

It’s me again, I want to talk about something I thought of in one of my lectures earlier today.

So the lecturer was talking about the principles of persuasion, by this lad called Robert Cialdini. And while she was talking about the principle of commitment and consistency, I started thinking about companies that ask you to make a commitment, as an effort for you to do something down the line that will help them. As the lecturer when on, I naturally zoned out and started thinking deeper about this. And then I bumped into one of my other wonders, as to why people don’t read that much anymore.

To continue, I combined my two wonders, of commitments and lack of reading books and arrived at Goodreads. I hope you know what it is, but if you don’t it’s a spot for you to find ratings and reviews on what you want to read. Think of imdb but for books. So the other day when I got tired of signing in with Facebook on Goodreads for the 150th time, I actually went and made an account. While doing this it asked me to set a reading challenge. “How many books do you want to read this year?” Knowing that I finish about 10% of the books I start reading, I skipped this goal-setting part. Imagine getting to December, and you still have 9/10 books left to read.

Anyways, I then remembered all the “I read 100 books in one week” videos on YouTube and wondered why there’s such a craze about reading loads of books recently. Even Goodreads has hopped on that bandwagon. Do people actually get motivated by that is my question? And as much as I want to say yes, I don’t think they do. You should become curious and enthusiastic about what you want to get out of the book, rather than simply getting your annual book number count up. To me, that’s just silly. It’s not a dick-measuring competition, so put it away. But anyways, instead of committing to a number of books, commit to curiosity. As the saying goes, “Curiosity made the cat read more than the cat who acted a book whore.”

Pick up a book you genuinely want to read and fire away. If you don’t want to read it, don’t force yourself to. Not wanting to read, and encountering difficulty reading are two different things. I personally enjoy a nice and difficult book once every so often, even if I read in sloth mode (i.e. slow as f***). Have a nice day!

Extra: Currently reading ‘The Time Machine’ by H.G.Wells. And new podcast out today at 5pm on ‘Monks in the Trunk’. Check it out it’s a good one – Part.2 of our Storytelling Series.

Issue 1: My Second First Blog

What a silly title for the first blog, I know it makes no sense. This is already trash. But me being me, I’ll persist with my garbage. Let me tell you as to what happened and why I’m writing the first blog for the second time. So I wrote this big piece, sent it to a friend, and now I’m writing the other one. You can guess what happened in between the sending and me sitting here now. So here we go.

Why?

I want to write this blog because I have a lot of stuff I want to write about. I get little burst of inspiration throughout the day on certain topics and if I could sit down and bang one out, I think it would do some people good. Like earlier today I was writing for a college essay and I thought about that Black Mirror episode where the two lads fuck in Mortal Kombat, was that gay? Nah, cause one of the lads was playing as a chick to be fair. Stupid stuff like that. Anyways, before I get side-tracked, I just want to write. I want to write to one other person and then it’ll be worth it to be honest. All I need is one person to hear me out. And that person is you.

Emillio.

In order to be able to focus on writing to one person, and not write like a robot writing a textbook I’m going to have to imagine a person who I’m talking to. Therefore as of now, you are officially Emillio. You’re Spanish with a big Bob Ross afro on you. Also, you look like me but with a perfect afro and you’re Spanish. But you already know this so I don even know why I have to tell you this.

Where There is a Will, There is a Way.

So I already know that you’re into some of the stuff I’m into so feel free to listen to what I have to say. Oh and also thanks for listening, feel free to write whatever you want back tome you’ll find a way. As some lad once said, “Where there is a will, there is a way.” You know it was actually this lad in work who said it to me. Big wise head on him to be fair. Anyways, good luck, I’ll see you soon to talk about whatever I want. Bye.

IF YOU MADE IT THIS FAR, CONGRATULATIONS!

YOU DESERVE A ROUND OF APPLAUSE AND SOME GENUINE APPRECIATION.

Thank you for reading.